Welcome To The Honesty Club : You DO Belong Here

"Do You Ever Feel The Need To Talk About, Y'Know, Things Which You Don't Usually Talk About?"

"Are You Looking For A Place Where People Won't Push You Away For Being 'Too Real'?"

"Would You Like To Take Off The Mask For A Little While, And Be Accepted For Who You Are?"

That's Great, Than This Is The Club For You.

Purpose Of The Club

From The Club Constitution, with Additions

Mandate

To provide Club Members with a place where they can open up to others in a safe, comfortable environment, and discuss their ideas openly without the fear of being ostracized.

To cultivate a setting where people can find support, seek advice. and debate ideas.

Philosophy

When human beings are permitted to be honest and open with each other, the groundwork for genuine relationships is laid.

Mission Statement

A King has his Advisors, a CEO has their Board of Directors, and a President has their Senior Staff;
everyone deserves to have a group of people in their life who can help guide and advise them on the many pathed road we walk.

Life is vast and complex. A person cannot see all possibilities and contingencies on their own. A person 'needs' the advice and support of others to help them see things they would not be able to see on their own, to inspire in them the confidence to make decisions they could not make on their own.

This Club will provide this for its members.

Vision

The Greek Philosopher Socrates sought to improve men's understanding of themselves and others through dialectical investigation.
Humanistic Psychologists believe that understanding human beings requires understanding human feelings.

The Honesty Club seeks to partner the spirit of The Socratic Method with the ideals of the Modern Empowerment Movement.
It is a marriage of the cerebral logic so celebrated by philosophers, with the emotional insight understood by humanist psychologists.

Socrates

The club encourages members to do as Socrates did and taught his students to do, that is to become excellent fabricators of carefully constructed questions with the goal of seeking out vital kernels of truth and wisdom.

Humanist Psychologists

At the same time, the club encourages members to talk openly and freely about their feelings, because, simply put, human beings are inseparable from their human feelings.

The Club believes that Personal Truth cannot be arrived at through Logic alone, but must move in tandem with one's Feelings and Emotions.

Code Of Conduct (A Guideline Only. Trust Has The Real Value)

Preamble : A Social Club

Beyond the Debate and Support aspects of the club, this is a Social club.
In fact, the Debate and Support aspects of the club are intended to "enhance" the Social core of the club.

"Friendships Made On A Foundation Of Honesty, Are Friendships Which Will Endure."

Policy #1 : What Is Said In Club, Stays In Club

It is almost unnecessary to add this policy since it is implicit by the very nature of the club's purpose that personal matters shared between club members, stay between club members.

Policy #2 : Know Yourself

Opening up to other people is inherently a risky thing to do.
Opening up to other people exposes oneself to being hurt.

Know Yourself.
Take Care Of Yourself.

When you are sharing with the club, talking about your feelings, talking about your personal experiences,
know yourself, and share as much as you feel is right for you.

You are your own best friend.
You are the keeper of your truths.
Honor yourself. Respect yourself.
Share what you feel you can share, what you want to share.

"When you have yourself, you are never alone."

Policy #3 : Permissions

The Truth is a precious thing.
It is a rare jewel in a gray landscape.

Giving your truth to another person is a powerful gift, a charged gift, a gift that may be more than another can easily bear.
It is like giving a sun to someone.
The brightness can blind.
The heat can burn.

Human beings are naturally peaceful creatures (so I believe) and are horrified by the notion of hurting each other (unless they are in pain themselves, in which case, like does unto like).
The Club's aim is honesty and truth, but, it is something which needs to be carefully shared.

"You do not water a garden with a fire hose, for you would destroy the garden.
Nourishing a garden with water requires it be carefully applied.
Not too much. Not too little. As close to Just Right as possible."

When a Club Member wishes to share an honest opinion with another member they simply request beforehand,
"May I be honest with you?"
or,
"With your permission, I'd like to speak plainly. Is that alright?"
or,
"Please do not be offended if possible, but I wish to share with you how I really feel. Can I?"
or any other form of politely asking for permission to share one's personal truth.

If the Club Member being addressed acquiesces, then that Club Member is
taking responsibility,
taking ownership,
for the truth that they will hear.

It may not be easy.
Very likely it will not be easy to hear if the thing needed permission to be asked,
but, it is an almost sure thing, it is a near-certainty, it will be something valuable to hear.

"One truth carries more weight than a hundred lies."

This is how people grow.
Other people do not offer their truth to hurt, or spite, but to help one see what they do not themselves see.

...and, naturally, just because another person offers their truth, does not mean it is right.
You determine what is right : for you.

Policy #4 : The Friendship Process

Trust is earned.
It will take time for people in the club to open up to each other.
It will take time for people in the club to become friends with one another.
But it will happen, because club members are seeking truth with each other, and nothing is more natural to human beings.

"Human beings are creatures of truth."

So, take your time.
No need to rush things.
Open up to other people as quickly, or as slowly as you like.
The club is here to help you grow and, by virtue of your presence, helping others grow.

Policy #5 : When Emotions Are Running High...

Honesty is a powerful thing.
It is a sleeping giant which lies quiescent inside of us most of the time,
but,
when it is released,
very few know how to control its strength,
so that it does not lay waste to what surrounds it.

With this in mind,
when tensions run high,
members will be encouraged,
or if need be requested to :

1. Go to the Club's Secondary Room and try some private meditation and contemplation.
2. Take a walk when they find their emotions are becoming more than respectful interaction can accommodate.

Yet, when a Club Member is going through difficult, powerful emotions, they need not do so alone.
1 or 2 other members are encouraged to join their fellow member in the Secondary Room, or accompany them on their walk,
providing a sounding board,
or just some company.

Still, sometimes, it's best, to just sort things out for yourself.

In the quiet and darkness of the Secondary Room you may,
"Immerse Yourself In The Silence, And Let The Silence Speak."

If you are taking a walk, use VIU's many, many, many steps to advantage to exercise your powerful emotions.

Club Slogan, And, Club-Defining Quotes

Club Slogan

"This Above All Else, To Thine Own Self Be True." - Lord Polonius (Hamlet)

Club-Defining Quotes

"Veritas Vos Liberatit" (The Truth Will Set You Free) - Motto of Johns Hopkins University

A Social Club : A Place To Make Good Friends And People You Can Count On

An Important Question

"How are friendships formed?"

I think friendships,
good friendships,
real friendships,
are formed from powerful, shared experiences.

From opening up to each other.
From knowing that you can "be real" with this person,
that you can "take off the mask",
and "be yourself",
and they will like you just as you are.

We are all terribly afraid of being hurt.
We know that if we suffer a terrible wound, it is difficult to find those who can truly heal us.
We walk about with our guard up constantly.
If I may say so, that seems like a mere shadow of the wonder life is supposed to be.

Parties / Outings

Only time will tell of course...
but the hope is that members of the club will develop genuine fondness for each other,
by virtue of having shared personal stories with each other,
by virtue of having debated important matters with each other,
by virtue of having hurt one another sometimes but only because they were pursuing truth,
pursuing that elusive quality of "being real" with each other.

In such environment, true friendships should be planted, and sprout, and result in really good parties. : )

Bowling.
Hikes.
Trips to Victoria or Vancouver.
Clubbing.
Movies.

The goal of the club is for its members to get to know themselves better, each other better, and ultimately form friendships which will do naught but enhance each other's lives.

The Club Format : What's A Club Meeting Like?

A club meeting will typically follow the 7 parts listed below.
Naturally they are bound to change depending on the time available.

1. Check-In
2. Ice Breaker
3. Show And Tell or Seek Advice
4. Break / Jokes
5. Questionnaire / Tests
6. Closer
7. Check-Out

* 8. Break Into Pairs (or Triples,etc.)

1.Check-In

This is a structure I am borrowing from the modern social unit called The Support Group.
Simply stated, members "check-in" with one another.
What makes the process unique and markedly different from everyday social interaction is that members have permission, in fact, are encouraged to be open and honest about how they are doing.

Personal Tangent

It is quite amusing (and quite disheartening) that our typical greeting, "How are you?" is meant solely as a rhetorical question where an honest and open answer is typically neither expected nor desired.

When somebody has a mental lapse and actually begins to go into detail about how they are genuinely "doing", a fairly typical response representative of the chaotic, "hurriedness" of modern life is, "Wooh. Wooh. I don't want your life story!"
In fact, the "polite" response to, "How are you?" is, "I'm fine thank you." irrespective of whether you are fine or not.
Supposedly this is considered being "socially responsible" and considerate of other people, since they have problems of their own and do not need to hear about those of others; however, I believe this fails to honor the infinite strength and deep nobility of human beings, and their capacity to bear the burdens of others.

I think it's more polite to answer somebody honestly when they ask you how you are doing...
and that should be a goal to which humanity should aspire.

2. Ice Breaker

Ice Breakers are becoming very popular in the "Corporate World" as a means of relaxing before meetings, getting to know one another, activities to do during "Company Retreats".
They will follow the same function for the purposes of the club.
Each meeting following Check In, members will engage in a fun, Ice Breaker activity to "loosen up" and build some more sense of camaraderie between members.

3.Show And Tell or Seek Advice

Show And Tell

Remember Show And Tell from Primary School? It was a fun and very useful activity as it gave class members a chance to showcase important facets of their life to their classmates, and feel special and the center of attention for a little while, at the same time providing classmates the opportunity to get to know this particular student better, and satisfy some of their curiosity about this person.

"The most fascinating thing for human beings is : other human beings."

In this club, members bring in newspaper articles, magazine articles, poems, passages from books, pictures, and using the power of the internet and the utility of rooms equipped with computers and projector screens present Youtube Clips, Movie Clips, Songs, Online Articles, Online Images and whatever else the limitlessness of the Internet can afford a person to share with others.

Members bring things to share with their fellow members so that they can share themselves with others, and also, to get honest feedback,
to get advice from the heart.

Seek Advice

At this point in the meeting, members can also choose to present a problem that is bothering them and query the collective wisdom of the group as to its possible solution.

Naturally this is all dependent on time, and members can choose to either present something for debate, or seek advice from the group, or perhaps both if their is sufficient time.

The goal of the group is for everyone to have as much help as possible.

* Warning *

It is a responsibility, getting honest feedback from others.
Honesty is a difficult thing, it is not always pleasant.
The club does have policies on "asking for honesty" whereby a person requests permission to give a totally honest, unobscured opinion on something, but, once such permission has been given, the asker must take responsibility for an answer openly and honestly given.
Honesty is not always easy, but it is through honesty that we truly grow.

Personal Tangent

Although I personally strive for this ideal, like Chivalry, it is an ideal which was held up, but was admittedly not easy to achieve.

4. Break : Jokes / Word Of The Day / Meditation / Chat

A chance to stretch the legs.
After the active discussion of show and tell it's nice to take a little rest.

Club Members are encouraged to bring in jokes they love to share with other members so they can get a hearty laugh and unwind a bit.

Club Members are also encouraged to bring in a new word they particularly like to share with the other members and enhance everyone else's vocabulary.

"Words are the containers by which new concepts are turned into the building blocks with which people can construct new buildings of human knowledge and perception."

Time permitting, a club member will lead the group in a meditation exercise to further relax and enjoy some inner peace shared in the company of familiar others.

5.Questionnaires and Tests

"Ask Questions And You Will Get Answers."

The central aim of the club is for members to come to know themselves better and know others better.
Each meeting, either a brief Questionnaire or a short Test will be passed out to members.
The material will be taken from the wide array of Personality Tests, Character Evaluators, Situational Analysis available.

The idea here is to engage in a tactile, physical activity which gives a sense of concreteness to the pursuit of getting to know oneself.

Following completion of the Questionnaire or Test, the questions will be gone through and members are encouraged to share their answers and reasons.

6.Closer

Another Ice Breaker style activity, only with the focus being on relaxing and bringing closure to the meeting.

7.Check Out

Each member "checks out", sharing their thoughts on the meeting and perhaps sharing what they foresee their week will be like.

8.* Break Into Pairs *

The club is a debate club, but it is a support group at the exact same time, and when someone feels that they need some space, or maybe they feel the impulse to talk to another member or two in private, members are encouraged to leave the group and talk in an adjacent classroom.

The club will book several classrooms in close proximity, so that members can have privacy to talk with other members if they choose to.

Sometimes you are just on the right wavelength with another person and you want to pursue it.
The aim of the club is to give people the environment for them to do just that.

Club Symbol - The 5 Point Diamond Of Honesty

I wanted to choose a symbol which would represent the values I had envisioned for the club,
but I found that the club is not just one thing,
it is a club of many facets and a single symbol would not do it justice.

I thought about what the central values of the club were and I could reduce the number down to only as low as 5.

I thought about what shape could translate 5 different themes into a container for a symbol and the answer was a diamond.

The 5 Symbols Are :

Torch = Truth
The Greeks Thought Of The Torch As Being A Symbol For Truth. I Imagine Because Its Light Illuminates The Darkness Of Dungeons, Labyrinths, And Other Places Where Confusion And Despair Would Otherwise Steal One's Sense Of Self

The Thinker = Thought
I combed my mind for a symbol which meant "thinking" to me. At first I thought of a "lightbulb", but that symbol means more "idea" than "thought". I put my chin in my hands and then I had a lightbulb, and I remembered "The Thinker" and there we go.

Heart = Feelings
I cannot stress enough, how invaluable feelings are for discovering one's true self. Historically feelings have been considered a weakness, a distraction, but I know that they are the source of a person's strength, and the fuel for a person's action. "The mind is the vehicle and feelings are the fuel."

The Unicorn = Honor
I spent nearly an hour combing the net for a symbol for honor. I kept coming up with "The Crane" but that doesn't say "honor" to me. Google images gave me military image after military image to attach to the word "honor". I think that humanity is a noble species which is going to move beyond the need for militaries very soon and I did not wish to have a military image as part of the club symbol. Then I thought of animals which are honorable. "The Eagle" was pretty good but conjures up images of militancy since its so heavily used in that vein. "The Lion" was very appealing to me and I decided to use it, but not here.
Then I remembered that I'm reading "Harry Potter" (the whole series) again and all the magical creatures in its pages. I thought of the "Gryffindor" lion and, like I said, I'm using the lion. I thought of Fawkes "The Phoenix". And it would be a good choice. But then I remembered that the Native Americans thought of the "horse" as a symbol of honor, and I remembered the noble Unicorns whom Voldemort cruelly slays to keep himself alive, and I had my symbol.

The Lion = Justice
Naturally I thought of "Asland" from "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe". The noble lion is "king of the beasts" and naturally judges them when the need arises. Obvious click.

There we go.
Why I chose the symbols as they are for the club.